Looking Back
My wedding is ten days away and I officially have wedding anxiety but I’ll share more about that in a different post. Besides stressing over the last few details of my wedding. I’ve also been thinking a lot about how different I feel as a thirty-eight-year-old bride versus being at bride at twenty-two.
I was previously married from 2002 to 2010. It was a quick courthouse ceremony in Miami while I was on leave during the Iraqi war. The plan was to have an extravagant wedding afterward but my then-husband and I decided to put that money towards our first home. Back then I thought I had my entire life figured out. I was intently focused on checking off all the right boxes. You know…marry a great guy, check, buy a nice home, check, finish my degree, check. There was no room for error. I had worked my butt off for what I thought was perfection.
Looking Forward
Back then I had zero life experience. I went from my grandma’s house to the Navy as a seventeen-year-old and became a wife at twenty-two years old. In my mind, I figured that any life experiences I missed out on wouldn’t matter. You can’t miss something you never had, right? Wrong, at least in my case it was.
With my second marriage approaching, I wanted to share how important it is to take care of yourself before making a lifelong commitment to another person. Unfortunately, I didn’t have anyone giving me advice, I kinda figured things out along the way. With most of my “aha moments” occurring during my separation and after my divorce.
I can confidently say that I am entering my second marriage with plenty of life experience under my belt. I’m ready for this commitment. I’ve had some good and bad relationships, made a few mistakes, completed lots of goals and had to push myself more than a few times. With my wedding around the corner, this seemed like the perfect time for me to share things that made me ready to start this new chapter in my life:
Financial Independence – After my divorce, I was solely focused on getting my finances together and keeping them that way. Fear of giving up the life I had worked so hard for made me stay in my first marriage longer than I should have. I had zero confidence that I could start over on my own. It didn’t happen overnight but I did it.
Living Alone and Spend Time Getting to Know Me – I was twenty-eight when I moved into my own apartment. There were so many emotions I experienced during those first few weeks. Thinking about it now, this experience taught me a lot about myself. I learned to enjoy my alone time which included reading all the books and long weekends couch surfing binging The Soprano’s for the 100th time and eating Hot Fries.
Doing Stuff Alone – Surprisingly this use to be hard for me. You’d think that the introvert in me would be happy to dine solo or catch a movie by myself. Nope! I always felt like I had to have a companion anytime I went out. I missed out on some much waiting around for other people to hang out with me or attend events. Blogging really was the main reason I started rolling solo and how I taught myself to overcome my social anxiety.
Being a Creative – Starting my blog has been one of the most important things I’ve done post-divorce. I’ve had so many amazing experiences. Not to mention blogging has helped me build my confidence, be a safe place to share parts of my life and make several amazing friends. Hell, I met Bae because of my blog. Every time, I think I ready to give it up I always come back because my blog is my baby! I will always have some sort of creative outlet, it’s necessary.
Are you guys tired of my wedding/marriage posts yet? I hope not because I got a couple more planned! For my married ladies, what life experiences prepared you for marriage and helped you be a great partner?
14 Comments
Congratulations on your wedding!!!
Thank you!
I’m a big advocate & know It is so important to have time alone & know ‘You’ first.. be happy with self and then join with your plus one as I like to say. Mine has not found me yet. Congratulations on yours finding you & blessings for a great wedding day & marriage.
Congratulations on your wedding. What me prepared for marriage was a boyfriend to who I practiced all mistakes you could think of, thank God we didn’t get married…See, as you already know, relationships don’t come with manuals. Everyone has to figure stuff along the way… have been married for 15 years with a wonderful man
and I am being grateful for that every single day… there are many things to say, but few things what has worked is always talking out issues or differences, never assume that he should know ,I have learned form my relationship and from others as well, if the man loves wife from heart, he will do about anything to make wife happy, but you have to communicate, guessing and assuming is woman thing not Men’s. Check values, are you going in one direction? Do you have similar vision about what your marriage looks like…Having your own time and giving partner time as well…understanding that you choose to live together, no one owns other person, it is a choice to build a life together. And what many people dont want to talk out is money. One wise woman once told me that money has to be together, no separate, I believe that, and it really worked for our family, but I also know that it may or may not work for others, but you have to know how you are dealing with lives practicalities… Happy Wedding day… looking forward to future wedding posts
Great advice Eva! Thank you.
Thank you! My husband and I are both introverts so we absolutely understand alone time and don’t get in our feelings when the other requires it.
Great post for a whole host of reasons…Like Donna Summer so eloquently put it way back when, “Love to love you, baby.”
Thank you!
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and no I am not tired of anything that you blog about
Yaaay! I have a lot more to share!
First, Congratulations to you and your hubby to be! I think its amazing that you are giving it another try. I too myself am a second time around wife but unlike you when I started over after my divorce I had two kids. It wasn’t an easy road but I didn’t give up. I knew God had a great plan for me and my kids and boy did he. I met my husband, best friend. my soulmate get this only a few years after my divorce. I didn’t think I was ready for round 2. BUT What’s the saying “if you keep doing the same old thing you will keep getting the same old results so I tried something different. And the results were amazing he was military took me out of my comfort zone, my kids love him like there own dad and we’re about to celebrate 7 wonderful years next week!!! Advice: Getting to know yourself for sure, never stop communicating no matter what and definitely don’t put out expectations that you are not willing to commit to yourself. May GOD bless your marriage with many years of LOVE and Happiness!!!
XOXO
Thank you! Great advice.
Congratulations on your engagement! I love reading & viewing your posts.????
Thank you!