Too independent? I have been told on many occasions that I am. Most recently I was told that I have independent women’s syndrome. That statement actually made me laugh out loud. When did it become a bad thing to have the ability to take care of yourself?
I underwent a serious transformation, for the better, after I separated and divorced my husband. That was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I had been with my husband so long I didn’t know how to be an individual anymore. I was heartbroken, depressed, stressed and angry. To make matters worse I was completely alone with no friends or family nearby. Despite feeling like a chewed up piece of gum I swore to myself that I would become a better woman no matter what.
So here I am Ms. Independent. It took a very long time but in the end I turned out to be okay. Actually I am better then okay I am great. I am proud of myself, I am confident, and I do a great job of taking care of me. I will never make any apologies for that, it took me too long to get where I am.
So yes I am independent I don’t need anyone for anything. I don’t ever ask anyone for anything unless it’s a dire emergency. If I want something I work towards it. I always try to have a plan A, B, C and D just in case. I guess some people might consider my “super” independence a problem. Being dependent on another person requires some level vulnerability which comes with trust and I am just not there yet. I put everything I had into my marriage and I was the chick that felt like I didn’t need a contingency plan because I was going to be married FOREVER! Welp, nothing is forever and I won’t ever get caught slipping again, lesson learned. I just know I need to do what’s best for me and what makes me happy no matter what. I won’t ever apologize for who I am and what makes me happy.
Have you been told your too independent and if so what’s your response. Have you ever heard of “independent women’s syndrome”?
P.S. Check out this list of 20 things women should stop apologizing for, pay close attention to #5.
12 Comments
I'm told that by men that don't have their own lives in order. I pay them no mind. The same men also say I'm too smart. Or I'm too pretty to be single or being a tech person. People need just sit & be quiet. That simple! Keep being independent. If you want to be married again the right man will love that about you!
i love these kinds of posts! i've been told that i have alot of pride but not that im too independent but i know i am! and i love it unless some man comes along and creates a better life than the one i've already made for myself. 🙂
Post I can relate too! I'm 33 no children, solid career and very independent. I remember when I was buying a house 4 years ago I was told by several people not to do that because it will show that I'm too independent and men do not like that. When I was going for my second masters, I was told not to because men are intimidated by that. I do believe that is all true. However, I'm not going to dim my light because someone can't blaze their own. Yes I'm independent but that doesn't me I don't value or need emotional support and love like anybody else. It simply means I'm no in a position to be a burden to anyone. At this point I'm just seeking someone to compliment me not to complete me. Have you ever noticed that the men who tells us we are too independent are the ones who don't have their lives together, or want a woman who NEEDS them financially? I would love to get married one day but for the right reasons and with the right person. I'm not worried about my singleness, my fear is marrying the wrong man.
I have certainly been told I'm too independent, but I think it's silly too. Women should be confident and free to choose their own connections. Good for you for being brave enough to make the choices you have made. I look up to you.
Love your honesty in your post! Someone once said, I am an independent married woman. I was like that doesn't make sense. We you are married you depend on one another for something whether it be support or love. I will testify that I am not an independent woman. I am a stay at home raising 3 children and my husband is the main source of income. I won't apologize or feel bad for that, because that is what is best for my family right now. So don't apologize for being independent, I say you go girl!
Thanks for this post i have been told that also there is nothing wrong with a sense of independency i think everyone should be independent in some ways all i can say is if they keep living & life throws them sum lemons they better know how to make sum good lemonaide
Oh boy! You just wrote my story Lioness and good on you for going against the foolishness that everyone said and achieving YOUR goals and dreams. This nonsense of 'independent woman syndrome' just irks me in the worst kind of way.
You go girl!! Keep doing you!!
It's terrible how many men must have independent women's syndrome then eh? 😉
I read somewhere that the path to emotional maturity goes dependence-> independence-> interdependence. I'm not through working on #2! It seems like that's the hardest lesson for women to get a handle on since there's so much societal opposition to it.
Kudos to you for not knuckling under to the pressure to be less than you are. 🙂
I don't normally comment, but I just had to. Screw what others think! Like-minded people will appreciate and congratulate what you have accomplished. Be proud our yourself. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being self-sufficient, independent, and goal-oriented. The people that don't agree, more than likely have low or no self esteem and wish they could accomplish what many of us already have. Keep up the fabulous work and feel good in the fact that you love yourself.
-Sheilah
LOL!! I had to comment, cos this takes me back to when i met my son's dad. He always complained why i didn't accept offers and gifts from him – called me too independent, smh!! While i could understand his frustration, i didn't know why he made such a big fuss about it. Anyways i don't think there's something wrong with being independent as a woman. People tend to think you're full of yourself when you're independent, but thats nonsense. Great post and pay no mind to no one, cos you're an inspiration to some people out there, Shea. Stay Independent!!
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Well if you do not take care and love yourself none will. There is no such thing as better half you are full then you meet your partner .Thus why many people end up in loveless relationship because of dependence syndrome and not valuing themselves. I took wasted 10 years of my life ,I wa bitter but it was a learning curve I know who and what I want.thank god I had no children it was just me and my bags and was out never to see him again. It is not easy at first but gets better with time. Am now ready to move on! This time it is for good. Kisses from England London